Thursday, December 21, 2006

"Gone Forever"

Don't know what's going on
Don't know what went wrong
Feels like a hundred years I
Still can't believe you're gone
So I'll stay up all night
With these bloodshot eyes
While these walls surround me with the story of our life

I feel so much better
Now that you're gone forever
I tell myself that I don't miss you at all
I'm not lying, denying that
I feel so much better now
That you're gone forever

Now things are coming clear
And I don't need you here
And in this world around me
I'm glad you disappeared

So I'll stay out all night
Get drunk and fuck and fight
Until the morning comes I'll
Forget about our life

I feel so much better
Now that you're gone forever
I tell myself that I don't miss you at all
I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now
That you're gone forever

First time you screamed at me
I should have made you leave
I should have known it could be so much better
I hope you're missing me
I hope I've made you see
That I'm gone forever
And now it's coming clear
That I don't need you here
And in this world around me
I'm glad you disappeared

I feel so much better
Now that you're gone forever
I tell myself that I don't miss you at all
I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now
That you're gone forever
And now you're gone forever
And now you're gone forever

This song is dadicated to you all people who are gone from my life now and did hurt me a lot when you were with me.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

I miss you

Winter is knocking my door again,
but you are not there to hold my hand.
like all the days we spent together,
those days are slipped like sand.

Life is full of surprises I knew,
but never thought like this it could be.
that you will be gone following her,
leaving behind the broken-trust, me.

Now when we are apart forever(?)
and I walked away through the rain,
hiding my tears, burning my soul,
why I still look back and miss u,
drawning myself into endless pain?


Friday, November 17, 2006

Life in short

Life is just what happens to you, While your busy making other plans.

Woman Is The Nigger Of The World

Woman is the nigger of
the world
Yes she is...think about it
Woman is the nigger of
the world
Think about
something about it

We make her paint her
face and dance
If she won't be slave ,we
say that she don't love us
If she's real, we say she's
trying to be a man
While putting her down we
pretend that she is above us
Woman is the nigger of
the world...yes she is
If you don't belive me take a
look to the one you're with
Woman is the slaves of
the slaves
Ah yeah...better screem
about it
We make her bear and raise
our children
And then we leave her flat for
being a fat old mother hen
We tell her home is the only
place she would be
Then we complain that she's
too unworldly to be our friend
Woman is the nigger of
the world...yes she is
If you don't belive me take a
look to the one you're with
Woman is the slaves of
the slaves
Yeah (think about it)

We insult her everyday on TV
And wonder why she has no
guts or confidence
When she's young we kill her
will to be free
While telling her not to be so
smart we put her down for being so dumb
Woman is the nigger of
the world...yes she is
If you don't belive me take a
look to the one you're with
Woman is the slaves of
the slaves
Yes she is...if you belive me,
you better screem about it.

We make her paint her
face and dance
We make her paint her
face and dance We make her paint her
face and dance

John Lennon

Monday, November 13, 2006

Love Sick

I'm walking through streets that are dead
Walking, walking with you in my head
My feet are so tired, my brain is so wired
And the clouds are weeping

Did I hear someone tell a lie?
Did I hear someone's distant cry?
I spoke like a child; you destroyed me with a smile
While I was sleeping

I'm sick of love but I'm in the thick of it
This kind of love I'm so sick of it

I see, I see lovers in the meadow
I see, I see silhouettes in the window
I watch them 'til they're gone and they leave me hanging on
To a shadow

I'm sick of love; I hear the clock tick
This kind of love; I'm love sick

Sometimes the silence can be like the thunder
Sometimes I wanna take to the road and plunder
Could you ever be true?
I think of you
And I wonder

I'm sick of love; I wish I'd never met you
I'm sick of love; I'm trying to forget you

Just don't know what to do
I'd give anything to
Be with you.

By Bob Dylan.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

When I Travel in Kolkata

It seems I have to travel for so long time all of my life to reach my office. It's been like this always. Since I joined RTG, my first job as a Graphic designer. I have been traveling for more than 3 hrs a day since then. Now when I am with Isolution as a web designer I am still traveling for more than 3 hrs a day.

I can't say I don't like it. In fact I love the time I get to be alone and away from known people. I watch nature, people, streets, buildings, I watch my Kolkata. I explored almost whole Kolkata this way. When I travel by bus it gives me window to touch the outside world with the imaginary fingers of my mind. I touch new red blossoms in the spring, I touch the top of the clouds in the autumn. I see buildings are going high, touching sky everyday. I watch new new banners, hoardings, I get new ideas for my work.

And then I watch people, mostly kids. They are just awesome, amazing in their own way. I enjoy most watching them. I have many stories to tell about kids I see, interact on my way. It is wonderful that how they make me feel good that I even forget all my stress.

I see one boy(5 yrs hardly) goes to school with his mum everyday, catches the same bus i take. One day I took him on my lap to let him sit as they didn't get any empty seat. The boy is so adorable. He was trying so hard to not to fall asleep. But at the end he did and I held him dearly to make him feel comfortable and sleep in peace. He is too small to travel for more than 1 hr and attend a school, which is just at the opposite of the city. I really hate the parents for that reason. He slept all the while and I was missing my nephew whom I didn't meet for years and might be same age as him. At the end her mother got seat beside me and while moving away he got awake. He was still sitting on my lap and mother started making fun of him "had a nice sleep aannn? :P ". He got angry and said "No way, I was not sleeping at all. huh!!! /:) ". We both started laughing for the way he said it.

Then another day. It was really hot outside and i was frustrated to be stuck in the traffic jam. Suddenly a school bus came beside and it was full with naughty kids on their way back home. They were giggling and chatting with each other. Don't know how one girl saw me and started teasing me "hello Aunty, achhe hain na?" but with a genuine smile. And then all the kids started saying same and waving at me. I waved back too with a stupid smile on my face (it was stupid i can bet... lol). Then after a while we were apart but still they had left the smile on my face. They made my day.

Now it is about a married lady I made friends with on my way to office in bus. I can still remember how she given me a weird look on the very first day. I was wearing normal dress as I always wear (trouser and top) but may be she is so conservative that she didn't like it and her eyes uttered few unspoken words like "oh god what is she wearing" as I felt. I felt very bad that day. Then after few days we both giggled at each other for some funny incidents in bus as we saw each other enough to smile at each other in bus. I always heard that a smile can change the world, now i saw too. She waits for me to get into the bus everyday now. Even one day when the bus was not willing to stop for me and get me in, she made it stop for me by screaming at the conductor. I reached at office on time that day.

There are many more stories to remember. But May be some other day...

Friday, October 20, 2006

Because I love you...

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.


Sunday, October 08, 2006

How it bleeds

"if every time you are just going to come here to drag me through mud, then just don't come "

I promise you that...
I won't come anymore... I never intend to drag you through mud ever... May be It's just because I was buried in mud around me... You pushed me there...
Yes you have given me reason of your own... But that doesn't satisfy me at all... If I am supposed to accept whatever you have said, I am supposed to believe you cheated on me all the while... Which I dont want to believe even on my dreams... That's why I come up again and again with the same question... You misunderstand me everytime...
You said I made unfair comments... No I didn't... Whatever happened to me was unfair... not me or my reactions...
I told you on very first day that we should say goodbye to each other... You didn't listen to me and asked me to stay as I am your best friend whom you never had... (Does anyone treat his best friend this way? Does he make her insane in pain? I don't think so...)
I tried my best you see... But I don't have left energy anymore...
And the fact is now "YOU WON'T SEE ME EVER AGAIN" ...
I'm gone now... gone forever!!!

Saturday, September 30, 2006

How am i supposed to live...


"Without You"
(feat. Clay Aiken)

Never even thought to cry
When I heard you say goodbye
Never said where you were going

There's no laughter in the air
Only silence everywhere
And so much left unspoken

Since you've been gone
I haven't been the same
I wish that i could see
Who's to blame

Without you, where do I belong?
Without you, how can I go on?
And No love but yours will ever do
Tell me how am i supposed to live my life?
Without you

Was I lost in you and me
To the point i couldn't see
That what we had was dying

Now it's all that I can do
To see photographs of you
And stop myself from crying

I should learn to live without your love
Got so many memories
But it's not enough

Without you, where do i belong?
Without you, how can i go on?
And No love but yours will ever do
Tell me how am I supposed to live my life
Without you?

I feel helpless and, oh, so all alone
Like I've never felt before
You made me feel alive
But I don't remember what it's like anymore

Without you, where do I belong?
Without you, how can I go on?
And No love but yours will ever do
Tell me how am I supposed to live my life
Without you?

Without you, where do I belong?
Without you, how can I go on?
Tell me how am I supposed to live my life
Without you?

Oh baby where do I belong?
Please tell how can I go on?
Without you...




Yes i do sometimes. but I will survive. Because I know I have to live without you.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Poet On Swati... LOL!!!

Life is being very busy since last few days. Not getting time for writing something here. But everyday hoping to manage some time and write something at last.
Well now the time has come. Since last few days I am having a poetry contest with V. Oh lol... No it's not a serious contest. It's just we are scrapping each other on ORKUT and we are doing it through poem. He is good at shayari really. Actually I thought yesterday only that i should paste his last piece of poetry here coz it was good at content.

Here it is:

kabhi kabhi yeh behta paani ,
kabhi kabhi yeh hawa suhaani ,
kabhi kabhi yaadein anjaani .
kaano me kuch keh jaati hai ..
aur aankho mai reh jaati hai ..
bus unse milne ki chaahat..

kabhi kabhi jo dekhe sapne ,
kabhi kabhi jo roothe apne ,
kabhi kabhi dil laga tadapne,
to khud ko mai samjhaata hoon ,
soch ke jo pal saath gujaare ,
kuch pal hashkar so jata hoon ,

kabhi kabhi kuch gam hota hai ,
kabhi kabhi mausam hota hai ,
kabhi kabhi dil bhi rota hai,
kabhi kabhi yoon kyon hota hai,

kabhi kabhi jo tum aa jati
kabhi kabhi kuch baat banati ,
kabhi kabhi khusiyan mil jaati
aur kahoon tumse kya swati..

Well said. He is right saying we should remember the good part of life no need to be sad that we don't have someone anymore.
Always remember what you have don't think about what you don't have. Life is all about making choices. The path you choose that decides your life and destiny.

And my reply was :

hum to aajate hain har roj
naye naye baaten batane
jis din kabita na likh paye
to bana lete hain koi bahane

office me jo kaam pada hain
usme dam sara nikla hain
hosh me hu yehi bahat hain
baki sab kuchh bhul gaye hain

jis sapna ki tum karte ho baat
milne ati wo mujhko har raat
kuch der tak deta hain wo sath
par akhir me rah jata khali ye hath

phir bhi ye jiban sapna hain
sapna hain bas sapna hain
sapne me sab apna hain
sapne me sab sachcha hain

na koi shak na koi gham
sapne me hi kho jayenge hum
hone na denge yeh ankhen nam
khush rahne ki mujhme hain dam

Will you believe it took me 2 hours to write that reply :D . Actually I was so tired to think even. Got back home at 10:45pm. But still I am enjoying my work at office. So satisfying. Thanks to S.
Well I never thought I will ever only log in on net just to reply someone's scrap and no chating. I have really stopped chating. OH MY GOSH!!!

Sunday, September 03, 2006

One evening

Saturday 2nd sept, 2006:
Nope nothing happened so special. It was just i left office early and it was a nice evening outside. I was feeling so good and wanted to enjoy all the evening outside. I took auto from there and i was not being able to decide whether to take metro after that or to take bus. But i had an appoinment with doctor so i needed to reach on time.
But with all my heart i wanted to stay outside with the lovely evening.

It was a bit crazy wind blowing and messing my rough hair... touching my skin softly and telling me to play with it and enjoy the moments... the more the auto having speed the more it was playing with my hair and my face... i was unable to handle it yet i was loving it so much... dry leaves were running and flying with the wind... i wished i was one of them.... nothing to worry about life and still enjoying the journey... so phylosophical lol...

i looked at the sky up there and found it so beautiful... clouds were gathering making the sky dark though... they said it will rain soon... i loved it more... after a hot day everyone will love it... i loved myself a bit more for being a part of this beautiful world... i loved everything around me... and i remembered someone telling me how much he loves rain... my heart ached a bit... but still i was so happy... i learned another lesson to be happy alone...

But every good thing has an end. Auto reached metro station...I was still in dilemma about taking metro or bus. But as i had to deal with time i took metro. Before entering the door to the underground i looked at the sky again and said "goodbye dear i have to go". I had some hope left that before the wonderful evening disappears i will again be back to the outside world after finishing my metro ride. The underground was so dull and hot. I hated metro rail for the first time.

When i reached DumDum station it started raining and it was dark.


Mindhunters Starring:
LL Cool J, Val Kilmer, Christian Slater, Eion Bailey, Will Kemp, Jonny Lee Miller, Clifton Collins, Kathryn Morris, Patricia Velazquez

Mindhunters Director:
Renny Harlin

Mindhunters Written By:
Wayne Kramer, Kevin Brodbin

Mindhunters Distributed by:

Mindhunters Synopsis:
On a remote island, the FBI has a training program for their psychological profiling division, called "Mindhunters", used to track down serial killers. The training goes horribly wrong, however, when a group of seven young agents discover that one of them is a serial killer, and is setting about slaying the others.

It was a very clever script i must say. All the while you really can't guess who the killer can be exactly. The actions and stunts were really good in it. I liked specially when the killer and the girl both were inside the water tank under the water fighting each other and then at the crucial moment they were staring at each other(donno how is it possible in drak night under the water) and holding the hands with the gun pointing at each other outside the water waiting for the one to lose his/her breathe and go up to have some air. The killer loses there.
A must see movie for who loves thriller.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Transition period

It hurt to face the truth

If you only knew how I feel
If you only knew what I think
Every time I look at you
My heart just seems to shrink
You took your love away
Like it didnt hurt to say
That you didn't love me anymore
And you wanted to get away
It's like my life was over
And it hurt to face the truth
Why was this happening
What did I do
To make you change your feelings
Which were once so very deep
And looking back at the memories
I can't help but weep.

It hurts me to say what I'm about to say

I've been there for you through the good times and the bad,
And was there to wipe your tears away, whenever you were sad.
Always tried to make you happy, whenever you were mad,
And gave you everything you thought you'd never have.
All those magical nights that we kissed,
Those are the days I will always miss.
I loved every single one of those days,
And that's why it hurts me to say what I'm about to say.
I loved you unconditionally,
No matter what happened between you and me.
And I was blind, but now I see,
That you just wanted to be friends with me.
But I can't just be your friend.
Because my broken heart will never mend.
You didn't want to lose me,
but you lost me in the end.
Because I Love You too much,
to just be your friend.

When we try so hard to move on in our life we need to deal with pain, anger, hurt... slowly we find new happiness and pretend to forget the pain... but during this period the wound often starts moaning inside us... and how badly it bleeds till it gets cured...

"its bleeding... uhhh... so badly"
"hide it! hide it! no one should see it"
"why cant i even cry? cant i even show?"
"what’s the use of crying or showing?"
"cry as much u can... it helps"

"dont be an emotional fool u idiot"
"is there any place where i can hide myself?"
"why me? why only me every time?"
"no one understands me... no one can"
"how can he/she do this to me?"
"damn it!!! i still love him/her"

people often say all these to himself/herself...
but what if someone says like this...
"i miss u and i will... but m walking away... i was bleeding so badly... my blood will show u the path for sometime if u want to follow me but make it soon if u want it really else blood will disappear soon to tell u where i m gone coz it started getting clotted already... and i will be gone... forever!!!"

Friday, September 01, 2006

First kick!!!

Quite tough job to keep a blog i guess... but still this is my third try... i lost other 2 user id with password b4... how? thats a different story...
thinking... what could be nice enough to write on my first blog?
about me? no no... whats there to write about me?
then about the world? ummmm... world is big enough to write about... but sometime i wonder why the world is so big? or even why not more big so that we still had left places to discover... its not fair that no one left for me to discover some places... sigh!!!
hmmm... lets try to talk about something else...
LIFE!? oh dear! dnt even start now... thats like counting water in ocean...
its a very popular line "describe life in single word" ... but why yaar? Life is itself a single word then which other single word can describe it more appropriate?
how about soccer? hey nt a bad idea at all... we just had worldcup 2006... world cup is always like a fastival for which we wait for 4 long yrs... i love this game so much... even more than chess... yup being a chess player even... but this yr it was really sad for me at the end :(
still cant get over the sad feelings for Argentina... i love this soccer-team passionately and so MARADONA my childhood hero... he still fascinates me... but there is no enough time to write about him or soccer...
well well... then what to write?
"Swati its 1:58am now... time to go to sleep... ur office needs u in few hours"
oh yeah i forgot that part... i should just say goodnight now... may i try tomorrow to write 'something'... till then bye