Thursday, July 22, 2010

Relationships in reality : It is so hard to say sorry

In reality, close-intimate relationship is not all about LOVE. It's more about LIKE. You can still love a person whom you don't like much. For example, in our teens we never like our parents but we still love them. But if you don't Like a person you are probably going to go away from that person or grow apart sooner or later.

We love most of our friends we make in our life. But we like few of them far more than others. They become best friends. And these likings are based on some trait, nature, or just something unknown we find in that particular person. Looks also play a big part in it. Not necessarily that the special person or that friend needs to be prince charming or beauty queen, but surely that person needs to have something special which might only we can see. It could be even something which doesn't exist in real life or in that person. It could be imaginary. And when we like that person we can do anything for that person/friend. Negative part of this liking is that sometime it feds away with time.

A person might still love his/her gf/bf a lot but he/she might not like her/him as much as he/she used to. And when you don't like the person much, the first thing which becomes so tough for you is to say sorry to that person when needed. And everything turns bitter.

Let us see a situation.

A and B likes each other a lot. They love to spend time with each other. Almost all the time they are together. A likes that B is a bit mysterious and B has lot of pain inside hiding which B never shares with others but when A shows interest in those things B allows that. Eventually B starts sharing those pains with A. So A is always there for B whenever B is vulnerable and sad because that makes A feel important. B finds A is most caring, loving and supportive person, just like the one B was looking for as a life partner. In a way B finds it charming and surprising from a person like A who is so careless when it comes to A's own emotion. B finds it irresistible and starts liking A even more. B being dreamy about life, starts expecting a lot from A and builds a whole dreamland around A in no time.

Time passes by. A and B grows into loving each other. Slowly they get to know each other more and more. Soon enough they become inseparable from each other. They can't think about staying away from each other even for a while. But unfortunately the charming mystery is gone from B. A gets busy with other things and shows not much interest in B's life. And there is very little room for B in A's life. B turns into a boring daily routine in A's life. At least that's what it looks like.

But B is still same. Still longing for A to spend time together like before. B gets tough time to cope up with this change in life. Just when B thought its gonna be the end of a lonely life, it takes a new turn. And back to square one. This adds to the other stress and sadness of B already had.

A starts finding that B is being nagging, irritating and so boring. Every time B feels hurt for some reason, A finds it's the B who is being "dramatic" and "irrational". A takes it as ego clash when it comes to apologizing even when B is all down and says how hurting it is. And A even makes it look like as if A didn't play any part on that hurt and its B who is over-reacting. A even doesn't realize that B might just needs A's love and care at that moment and its not about winning over some ego and saying sorry is not going to make A degrading and that its not a game.

Not realizing anything A goes distant. The issue remains unsolved. The hurt goes deeper.

For that very reason when A comes back with fresh attention B is still hurt and sad. B can't forget how A reacted before. B still needs a loving touch and a voice saying that it was not B's fault that B is hurt and B is not making up stories to hurt A's ego. And this disappoints A. Same story repeats.

Meanwhile B wonders what went wrong. But there is no answer. Every time when B starts asking questions A finds it even more irritating and walks away. B thinks about the times when A feels hurt for some reason how B says sorry easily. So now B can't figure out why A can't say sorry. From where the ego game is coming? What wrong has happened from B's side? B doesn't know how to be mysterious again. B doesn't know if the charm is really gone.

And All these questions, answers still matters because B still likes A. And there are chances that A might still likes B even though not as much as before.

If B also starts disliking A then there would be no need for solutions/advices. If both of the partners don't like each other that separation can be dealt. Because feelings are mutual. But if one of the partner still likes the other one then that hurts longer.

I have three options for B in my mind.
1. Play mind game,
- but how long that gonna last?
2. Leave it to the time.
- what if it gets worse?
3. Move on and Find C/D/E/F/G/.../Z.
- But same thing can happen again.

And for A I have only one thing to say.
Just stop taking B for granted. And have the guts to take responsibility for the things/person matters to you. You are not a kid any more.

Readers, what do you suggest for A and B?