I am pissed

Today I'm feeling very pissed. Nothing seems satisfying to me now. Specially my career.

Lately I am feeling I'm not happy with my job anymore. Well office environment is fine, and so my boss/best friend. Actually I am stuck here for him only. He supported me with job when I was facing so much trouble in my personal and professional life. But I'm not learning much from my work anymore. Sometimes I even feel I am not going to right direction many be. I love my job which is creative but I couldn't make it success yet. Like I made many designs while I'm working with Sandy but most of them got rejected. I felt so depressed at times. But that was ok. It's a process of learning and developing my skill I know.

But still something is missing I feel. I wish I knew what it is. Here I will try to figure out the reasons...

1. Long hours of travelling makes me sick mentally/physically.

I gotta travel for long hours everyday to reach my office which is very frustrating. Like someday after work I might feel like to hit my home and relax but no luck with me. Can't reach home before the distance kills me for 2 hours everyday. Or else when I start with fresh mind from home for work in the morning the journey ditches my mood. I am pissed when I reach office. Well that's life now. And the worst is the quickest bus/route I could take makes me wait for 1 hour sometimes. Hell!!!

2. The sight of few of my colleagues irritates me to death.

I agree this is the story everywhere. But I worked with others before. No one could make me this sick yet. But I'm so unfortunate I sit beside them only and I gotta interact with them everyday. I feel sick whenever I think of them.
("Give me a break please" *Cries out loud* )
Problem is I can't stand stupid people. And these people are worst than that. And not only stupid but they are sick actually.

3. Not being able to learn from my senior.

I feel bored with my job when I don't learn anything. And its also boring when all you got to learn yourself. I prefer learning others ideas rather than copy pasting from net. And I don't have anyone here for that matter. I learn a lot from Sandy but he is not a designer either. I need to be with other designers to learn.

4. The space at my office.

I always prefer to work/study in a corner or some place where no one can disturb me. But I sit just in the middle of everyone at office. Which sometimes drives me crazy. I hate people interrupting me in the middle of my work giving me lecture on what color I should use, which design is better than this blah blah blah. Come on man... why don't you design then? Take my sit. I challenge you I will do your job given a chance and time i.e. programming, only that I don't like them at all else I have full confidence on my brain. But you can't become a designer all of a sudden dear. Get a life.

5. My hippie nature.

I don't like to stay anywhere for long. It makes me feel depressed and bored. I guess that's silly but can't really help it. I am like this only. Always.

6. Didn't get a long holiday since long.

Every time I planned for it something ruined it. So no luck with me I feel. I need to cut up from everything for at least 7 days I feel. And catch up some reading, music, movies to refresh my mind.


So these are few reasons I could figure out right at this moment.

Some solutions I could think of right now.

1. Change of job.

I doubt on that. I need to handle my home front(mum's operation) now so I guess it will be trouble for me to change my job at this moment.

2. Change the city.

Same like above.

3. Learn something new related to my work or something else.

I guess that would work but I lack the time.

4. Shift to some pg near to my office.

Impossible. reason is same like 1., 2.

I wish to get some changes in my life soon. Else it will be all messy again I feel.

Now my personal life.

Mum is going to go for surgery soon. Then I have to manage a hell lot of things. And considering my office hours I am scared thinking how I will do it. I am not used to with all this house keeping and all. I realise now how hectic it is for mum, and how she has been doing it all these years. It is not easy to be a mother. Specially when your hubby is like an immature kid. That's the main problem you know. I am horrified thinking how I will manage it all alone.

Anyways... that's life again. I will face it too. But the clash between my personal life and professional life is going to be worst among all.

Well... I'm all game for it now. Lets face it too Dear Life.